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partner has dyspareunia
Illustration by Brandon Cornwell
We've got lots of articles on dealing with dsypareunia and the painful sex that often accompanies it, but what if it's not you suffering, but instead your partner has dyspareunia? Giddy writer Alex Denny wanted to find some answers and reached out to me for my thoughts. Here are some snippets from the article, followed by a link to the full article at the Giddy website.

Heather Jeffcoat, DPT

Here's What You Need to Know if Your Partner Has Dyspareunia

Author: Alex Denny
Reviewer: Vita Eizans, D.O.

Support goes a long way when your significant other suffers from painful intercourse.

Many people experience painful intercourse at some point in their lives. Whether you needed more lubricant or you just weren't in the mood—the reason doesn't matter—it's not unusual to occasionally feel pain during sex.

When that pain is chronic, however, it might be a condition called dyspareunia. Dyspareunia is the medical term for genital pain that occurs consistently before, during or after sex. This recurrent pain can make having sex nearly impossible for some sufferers.

Dyspareunia affects approximately 10 percent to 20 percent of all women in the United States. You may have a female partner with the condition, now or in the future, so understanding what it means to have dyspareunia and how you can best support your partner is important.

What is dyspareunia?

There are two different types of dyspareunia, according to Heather Jeffcoat, D.P.T., a physical therapist at Femina Physical Therapy in Los Angeles and author of "Sex Without Pain: A Self-Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve."

"Dyspareunia is categorized as deep or superficial," Jeffcoat explained. "Deep dyspareunia is pain near the cervix. Superficial—sometimes referred to as introital dyspareunia—is pain with initial penetration. Pain with initial penetration may be determined to be vestibulodynia or vaginismus. Pain with deeper thrusting located closer to the cervix may be due to endometriosis, for example."

Being examined by a qualified doctor is a crucial first step in healing from dyspareunia. The causes are many, and only a doctor can determine the best treatment plan.

While your partner seeks treatment, you can take the emphasis off penetrative sex, which can go a long way toward strengthening your relationship.

Educating yourself about the condition can also indicate your willingness to be supportive. We talked to experts about the facts you should understand about dyspareunia in order to be a supportive and understanding partner.

Fact #1 - Dyspareunia has several root causes

Many medical conditions are a direct result of a specific factor, but dyspareunia is different. There are many reasons a woman may be suffering from chronic painful sex. The good news is that determining the cause means a doctor can prescribe the correct treatment.

Dyspareunia is not a lifetime disorder in the vast majority of cases. Once the root cause is determined, a treatment plan can be put in place to help support your partner," Jeffcoat said.

The potential causes vary by type of dyspareunia, deep or superficial. The causes of superficial dyspareunia may include the following:

  • Genital infections, such as urinary tract infections (UTIs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
  • Skin conditions, such as eczema
  • A lack of lubricant
  • Vaginismus
  • A physiological difference, such as a vagina that never fully formed or an imperforate hymen

Causes of deep pain can come from medical conditions such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), ovarian cysts, uterine issues and more. Scarring from past surgeries, such as hysterectomy, can cause painful intercourse. Certain medical treatments, such as radiation therapy and chemotherapy, can also cause dyspareunia.

Emotional factors can also contribute to painful sex, and these may fluctuate depending on your partner's emotional state at that time. Anxiety, stress, self-esteem issues and other psychological distress may cause dyspareunia.

Fact #2 - Dyspareunia is often a side effect of endometriosis

Endometriosis is a common uterine disorder that affects more than 200,000 women in the United States and occurs when endometrium-like tissue—similar to the tissue that lines the uterus—grows outside of the uterus, typically on the ovaries, fallopian tubes or intestines.

If deep dyspareunia is due to endometriosis, the gold standard to determine if this is present is laparoscopic surgery, as there is no single test, nor any combination of tests, that will rule out all types of endometriosis," Jeffcoat said.

Even after laparoscopic surgery, however, it's important to know that endometriosis can return, and with it your partner's dyspareunia.

Fact #3 - Dyspareunia may not happen every time the woman has sex

As discussed above, dyspareunia can be the result of many different root factors, and because of this, the condition tends to flare up depending on those factors.

Fact #4 - The condition is usually treatable

Depending on the cause of your partner's dyspareunia, the symptoms are often treatable. It can take time to find the best course of treatment, and those treatments may fluctuate in effectiveness. These treatments include the following:

  • Water-based lubricants, because dryness can occur when there is anxiety about intercourse, causing deep pain and, therefore, less natural lubrication
  • Medications for dryness due to menopause
  • Sexual therapy
  • Pelvic floor therapy

Treatments for suppressing the endometriosis implants, such as progesterone, birth control pills, certain intrauterine devices (IUDs) or medications that can alter or suppress ovulation. If your partner is open to it, go to appointments with them and continue to educate yourself about the condition and the various treatments. This level of support can make them feel less pressured to constantly explain the pain they are experiencing.

This treatment plan should include a great deal of ongoing education regarding why specific treatments are chosen to be a part of recovery or why certain providers are recommended to be a part of [the] care team," Jeffcoat said.

If your partner has dyspareunia and you want to know more, go here for the full article at Giddy.com, and go here if you're ready to make an appointment with one of our trained physical therapists.

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My husband and I were married for 5 years and unable to have intercourse, but I never knew why. After numerous awful experiences at doctor’s offices (where many doctors told me I “just needed to relax”), a surgery that didn’t fix the problem, and a year of owning dilators that didn’t get me anywhere, someone finally referred me to Heather for Physical Therapy. I finally had answers and information from someone who knew exactly what I was dealing with!

Read more: Testimonial by M.M.

Testimonial by T.C.

While pregnant with my twins, Heather took care with keeping me on my feet and pain free. She saved my back, my sanity and the holidays! I would recommend her to every “mom” looking to stay on her feet during pregnancy and post-partum.

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Testimonial by M.N., age 28

A personal journey and testimonial from one of my patients:

I was diagnosed with vaginismus 4 years ago. I never heard of such medical condition until after I got married. At first my husband and I didn't know what to do, we didn't know what the issues were or how to overcome it. Being born and raised in Armenia and being Christian I wasn't that open about talking to sex with others and so it wasn't easy to seek help. But eventually I went to an Ob-Gyn and luckily she knew about the medical condition (not many doctors know). She referred me to a physical therapist and I couldn't believe it and thought it's something I can handle myself. I ordered a kit from vaginismus.com and started practicing with dilators. There was some small progress but wasn't much helpful.

Read more: Testimonial by M.N., age 28

Testimonial by Mary L.

I started seeing Heather to treat my Interstitial Cystitis in November 2016. At this time, I was extremely miserable, in constant pain, and felt as though no one was listening or understood what was going on with my body. I have just finished my last appointment and I can honestly say that my life has completely changed for the better because of Heather and her team of PTs! I live almost completely pain free, and when I do have flare ups, I am able to treat them at home on my own. I am so grateful that this office was recommended to me a honestly cannot recommend them enough!

Read more: Testimonial by Mary L.

Testimonial by A.B.

Before I was referred to Heather Jeffcoat I was living in a nightmare. I had been married to my husband for three years and I was suffering from Vaginismus. That all changed when I visited my OBGYN and she said she knew of someone with a great success rate. To be honest I was hesitant at first because my first doctor had already told me that all I needed to do was order dilators from the internet and I should overcome my problem. She was wrong because I had followed the book on how to use the dilators with absolutely no advancements in my condition. However, that all changed when I went in for my first visit and Heather took the time to explain my condition and how we were going to work together to overcome it.

I remember leaving her office with a glimmer of hope that I could live a normal life. As my sessions continued I began to see immediate results. With only four sessions and a strict dedication to my home programs I was cured of Vaginismus. In the beginning of this process I was made aware that my health insurance company might not cover the costs, which was disappointing but today I can say one hundred percent that it was the best money I ever spent. Now thanks to Heather I am finally enjoying my life to the fullest with my husband. Thank you Heather, I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for me. I will never forget it. Those who are suffering from these types of conditions don’t be afraid because she makes you feel so comfortable and the end result is worth it. Good luck to you all and I hope you experience the success I have.
-- A.B.

Testimonial by S.S., age 54

Heather is the best! I saw her today for terrible hip/groin pain. I was so impressed with the safety measures in place and felt completely safe . Thanks for the healing hands.

S.S., age 54

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